let me try and catch you up.
A few months ago I had a moment of insanity. I wish I could call it a brief moment, but it was really more of a long, drawn out process where I hated my job and thought about what I wanted to do (write books), and continued to go to work and hate my job and think about writing and, well, it went on and on.
And then I quit. My job.
I didn’t give it much thought – I just knew I couldn’t be there any more. And I knew there was something that I loved burning inside me that I had to try and get out before it charbroiled me from the inside out. And so I quit. I didn’t really believe I had quit until it was actually my last day, and then it sort of hit me that I’d made a pretty big decision.
I spent the next week sitting around my house, completely overwhelmed by what I’d done. I didn’t write much, if anything. I just kind of kept thinking, “I need to write something. This is what I quit my job for. So I need to write now.”
I had talked to my husband before I quit and he was incredibly supportive, like he has been so many times in the past. But I’ve been amazed by how generous and patient and understanding he has been with me the past few months as I try to get my act together. He knew I wanted to truly pursue writing before I even fully realized it. He’s believed in me like no one has before. He’s helped give me structure and time and space to try and write.
But still, I’ve been struggling. It’s all been rather terrifying, so far. And I haven’t achieved a whole lot yet. But I’m trying not to look at what I haven’t done. I need to start focusing on what I have done. And so I’ve created this blog to keep track of what I do every day now – how much I’ve written, what I’ve written, if I’ve submitted anything anywhere…I still feel scared, but if I keep busy enough maybe I won’t notice that feeling anymore. Maybe I’ll start feeling productive instead.