435. Also, tired.

Daily word count: 435.

Does anyone have any advice for me on how I could create a more streamlined approach to viewing my daily word counts? I’m just throwing numbers all over this blog and have no idea how to keep track of them on a bigger scale. (totally just realized no one is going to answer this question. I keep forgetting how I don’t really expect anyone to read this blog…isn’t blogging weird? You start thinking there’s people out there, interested. I just physically rolled my eyes after typing that. I am just annoying myself right now.)

I am sleepy delusional at the moment. Just checking in with the little measly word count. It kind of sounds small and adorable when I describe it like that, though. I’m picturing this tiny little number curled up in the grass like a lost baby animal. Three fuzzy digits, all curled up in a ball and mewing. ‘Aw, you lil 435! Let me just scoop you up and snuggle you. I’ll protect you from harm!”

Yeah uh…I really need to get to sleep, pronto. I’ve gone full on crazycakes now.

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In which I am reminded that I’m not very great at this. Yet.

Word count for the day: 551

I have to be honest: that was all typed in the past hour (okay, hour and a half…I’m a slow writer, and I get distracted easily), because I didn’t want to go to bed feeling like a total failure.

Better than nothing, right?

Also, can I just take a moment here to explore the concept of comparing myself to other writers/bloggers and maybe stating that it’s probably not a great idea? I got into such a funk tonight. I was reading through another blogger’s blog, and the writing was just amazing. And she had so many followers. And she hasn’t even had the blog for a year.

Okay, so I didn’t create this blog for followers, and I don’t expect to ever get that many (pretty sure ‘daily word counts’ aren’t a hot ticket item), and don’t even know how I would feel if I did. But the writing thing?

Well.

Diving into this like I have, especially after so many years of not really writing anything…well, it’s been hard. And it’s been humbling. And I’m starting to realize I may not be a very good writer. I know that sounds egotistical, and it probably is. But since I was a kid I was praised for my writing, all up until I graduated from college. It was the one thing in my life I kind of felt good about for a long while.

It’s okay that I’m not a great writer, that’s all right. But it’s hard when I read someone else’s writing and I really feel it, you know? Like, holy cow. Just, really beautifully written stuff. And then I look at my stuff, all clunky and one dimensional and sad.

But I know I shouldn’t dwell on that. And it takes practice and hard work to get better. I just need to keep trying and I know I can improve. So I’m trying not to dwell on it, because if I do it may stop me from progressing. All I can do is keep trying at this point.