435. Also, tired.

Daily word count: 435.

Does anyone have any advice for me on how I could create a more streamlined approach to viewing my daily word counts? I’m just throwing numbers all over this blog and have no idea how to keep track of them on a bigger scale. (totally just realized no one is going to answer this question. I keep forgetting how I don’t really expect anyone to read this blog…isn’t blogging weird? You start thinking there’s people out there, interested. I just physically rolled my eyes after typing that. I am just annoying myself right now.)

I am sleepy delusional at the moment. Just checking in with the little measly word count. It kind of sounds small and adorable when I describe it like that, though. I’m picturing this tiny little number curled up in the grass like a lost baby animal. Three fuzzy digits, all curled up in a ball and mewing. ‘Aw, you lil 435! Let me just scoop you up and snuggle you. I’ll protect you from harm!”

Yeah uh…I really need to get to sleep, pronto. I’ve gone full on crazycakes now.

And I blather on.

It’s the double-edged sword with a blog, isn’t it? Because I made this blog for myself and didn’t expect any followers, but now that I have you guys my posts are beginning to change, because while I’m writing there’s a voice in the back of my head saying ‘someone might read this! make it count!’ and then when I get no likes or comments or new followers from a post I think, ‘what did I do wrong? That last post must have been terrible. Maybe I should delete it?’

So instead of just writing for myself without abandon, I start to worry about what other people might think. (but then if I made this blog private, I think it would bore me.)

I appreciate you guys who have taken the time to read, though. I really do! I’m not trying to push anyone away with this post. It’s just curious how my mindset changes when I feel the slightest bit under a microscope. And that’s with an anonymous blog with nobody reading!

I’m not sure what the takeaway is with this yet. Something to do with recognizing where my headspace is while writing, maybe. Something about learning to be comfortable with the idea of being read, I don’t know. It’s still just vapors, but I think it will take shape. I just don’t want to put a lot of brain energy into it yet.